Monday 7 January 2013

That scary journey!

Since the Delhi girl rape incidence I have been pondering over some of the difficult times I have been through. It could have happened to me or to anybody else. I can very well relate to this girl. Though I have not shared this with many people yet , I would like to express though my blog!

It was a nice evening of April 2005 when I boarded a train from Bhopal to reach my home, see my parents and siblings and share the happy news about my placement in an MNC with them. It is normally a long journey of 12 hours from Bhopal to my hometown, and one needs to change train in between, in Jabalpur, MP.

I reached Jabalpur and boarded another train, I was overwhelmed and was waiting for 6 hrs to quickly pass. I kept my luggage, it was mostly vacant and I could hardly see many people there. However, I hopped on to the middle berth and lied down. I was asleep in few minutes when all of a sudden I could sense something being rubbed against my legs. Hastily, I woke up and saw a guy standing next to me. The moment I opened my eyes he fled. Though this guy left I could not sleep anymore and decided to stay awake for rest of the night. Middle berth was making it difficult for me to sit comfortably so I got down and sat on the lower berth. It was just me in the compartment. Soon the train stopped at a small station and an old couple got in. I was a bit relaxed now. After the train's halt at few more stations the couple got down and I was again worried. A man of same age as my father got inside this time. I felt a little better.

This man sat opposite me. The train started again and he started talking to me, I was not comfortable. He started asking many questions. I did not tell me anything personal and told him that my friends are in the general compartment and will join me at the next station. The man suddenly started talking non-sense to me. His body-language was awkward. He told me that that he was not married and I told him indirectly that my dad must be same age as you. He told me that he is also a palmist and would like to tell something about me. I said "No" and told him that I don't believe in all this. Then he came very close to my face and my heart started pounding. I felt so helpless and wanted to burst into tears with each passing moment I was even more scared and thoughts like jumping off the train ran through my mind.

I was crying inside and praying, thankfully, in few minutes the train stopped at a small station , I grabbed my bag and got down , ran towards the general bogie and got inside. Several milk-men, vegetable hawkers and people from village were there, with their kids crying and their women chatting. I found a place at the floor of the train , sat, hid my face and cried. I cried so much, I cried because I wasn't sure what would happen to my life, a few minutes ago. I cried hard.....thinking life is not so easy.

I am crying now, writing about this incidence!

Wednesday 11 April 2012

Sometimes I want to feel special....

Its my birthday today. I was thinking of doing something different ,something that I can remember for years and that is when I decided to start my own blog. This is my first blog. 

I will articulate many such moments through my blog when I need someone by my side, to understand me, to care for me. Not everyone in the world can understand you! 
One of such unexpressed feelings is "Feeling Special"

Life isn't a fairy tale, I agree, but I still dream of being treated like a princess, maybe because I was always treated special on my special occasions, at home by parents, in college by friends then by boyfriend, then fiancĂ© and for a couple of years by husband too... or maybe every girl has this longing of being treated special at times.

It gave me immense happiness when someone sent me flowers, cards, that beautiful gold chain, that teddy bear I used to hug around all the time, the black forest cake made my day more special. And more than that it was a treat when told that I was needed , I was wanted. The feeling still remains unexpressed!



But as life takes its toll,  you realise that you're no more special. Complacency? being taken for granted? doesn't care any more ? One of the reasons can be "I did not make them feel special... so why should they? sad but true! or may be "I will wish you after my exam is over" funny ..isn't it? or "We just had a holiday, you are never satisfied!"  there can be a million other reasons. 

But, in the end, I am still callow when it comes to making me feel special, I may have become a little materialistic . I still long for it and I still crave for it. I like to be surprised, I like to be loved and I like to be on top of the world... 

I would love to know your thoughts, have you ever felt same as I do? Please leave your comments.